didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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