I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
