Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
