In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
