my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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