i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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