oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
