bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
