its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
