after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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