so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
