What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
