Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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