so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
