apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
