She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everyone says I win the strip club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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