I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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