Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
