I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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