I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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