I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
