Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
handjob tips. give me some.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
