Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His nipple licking is glorious
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