ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hippo gnu deer
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
