First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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