How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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