Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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