If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
