Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
