She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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