I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
