ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
