Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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