I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
