nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
