Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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