I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
