sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
