i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
