How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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