i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
