You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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