when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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