I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Randomize
