I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize