You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
