I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
