I wish I could punch you in the face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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