dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i dont even know how to be here
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
