Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
