We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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