It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
