I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
