Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
