Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just high enough for therapy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
