Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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