Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
