take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
