she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
