I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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