everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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