My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
