im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
