i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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