So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
