I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
