Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
