i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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