Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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