omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
