Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
