U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize