I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
