im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
