For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
