its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
